Planning a wedding can be both exhilarating and overwhelming. Today’s weddings are tailored more towards the interest and values of the bride and groom and may not closely resemble your wedding. We gathered insights from seasoned “mothers of the bride” who share their practical tips for any parent embarking on the wedding planning journey with their children.
- It’s the kids’ wedding: It’s crucial to remember that a wedding is ultimately about the couple. Although seemingly obvious, this approach can be hard for parents. It’s essential to internally reaffirm this fact before every discussion. Embrace the role of advisor and helper, and recognize that you are not the key stakeholder. Imposing your desires can lead to unnecessary friction.
- Set a budget: Establishing a budget at the onset is paramount. One effective approach is to give the couple a predetermined dollar amount and allow them the autonomy to allocate it according to their priorities. When setting that budget, consider all your children, daughters and sons, to ensure you can afford future weddings and be fair across the board. While the cost of some weddings today may come with sticker shock, especially compared to when you were married decades ago, there’s ample information available online to guide couples in setting realistic expectations and crafting a budget that aligns with their financial means. Prioritizing meaningful elements can help create a memorable event without breaking the bank.
- Splitting costs between families: Modern weddings often see a shift in how costs are divided between the bride and groom’s families. Gone are the days when the bride’s family solely footed the bill; new approaches are emerging, reflecting changing societal norms. Involve the couple in these discussions and do not burden them with financial accounting afterward.
- Not your guest list: When compiling the wedding guest list, expect that the couple’s friends have priority over family friends. Immediate family naturally takes precedence, but beyond that, the focus should be on those who hold significance in the couple’s lives. It’s essential for those not included on the guest list to understand that it’s not personal; it’s a matter of accommodating space and resources. In today’s post-COVID reality, with attendance rates around 90-95% versus the traditional 75% rule of thumb, guest lists are tighter.
- More events and festivities: Weddings today encompass many ancillary events beyond the main ceremony and reception. From bachelor and bachelorette weekends to destination weddings, the celebration extends beyond the traditional boundaries. Pre-wedding gatherings, such as welcome cocktail or dessert nights, have become increasingly popular. The rehearsal dinner, once a small gathering, now often includes everyone, particularly those traveling from out of town. This change ties into the budget issue outlined above, as additional events add to the overall costs.
- Expert help: Securing expert assistance, such as a wedding planner, is indispensable to ensure a smooth and enjoyable experience for both the couple and their parents. Wedding planners have been jokingly referred to “family therapists” as wedding planning exacerbates anything already going on in the family. Their expertise extends beyond mere logistics; they possess a keen understanding of reasonable costs and vendor options. Investing in professional guidance is a wise decision that pays dividends.
- Social Media FOMO: The pervasive presence of wedding content on social media platforms can inadvertently breed feelings of inadequacy and “fear of missing out” (FOMO). The meticulously curated images of seemingly flawless weddings may make couples compare their plans unfavorably. However, it’s important to approach social media cautiously, recognizing that these portrayals often represent only a snippet of reality. Instead of succumbing to the pressure of attaining perfection, couples can focus on embracing personalization, authenticity, and staying true to their unique vision and values.
Planning a wedding is a journey filled with excitement, challenges, and ultimately, love. It’s a really happy time. Follow these tips, and you’ll find yourself enjoying the festivities as much as the guests.
Throughout the “Sandwich Years” section of this blog, we will provide you support for launching children into adulthood while caring for aging parents.